So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
