so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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