Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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