yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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