cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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