Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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