I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
