Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
