I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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