Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
