And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
