Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
