he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
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He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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