Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
