look no pants
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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