Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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