I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
