I wannas sexs uuuuu
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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