I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
