I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
