As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
