so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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