im drinking this country out of the recession.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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