I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
