I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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