Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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