I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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