Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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