I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
