Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
