walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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