i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
