It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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