You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
