his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
