C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Small penises have feelings too.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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