There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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