went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
