things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
