The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
