This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
