im drinking this country out of the recession.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
