New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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