Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
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I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize