I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
