I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
