so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
