i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
