The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
even my farts smell like vagina
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
