i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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