He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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