shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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