this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I will pee on everything he values.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
