Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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