I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
and you said cock pushups were impossible
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
In other news, I just burned my penis
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
