Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The adults are the big ones right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
