I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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