Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
