I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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