his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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