none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
