You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
