RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
